Glowing in the dark

It’s been a week since I’ve stepped foot in South Korea to pursue my mission of capturing great images of the 2018 Winter Olympics. Weeks leading up to our departure was filled with anxiety and panic attacks. I cried into the hands of my loved ones because the feeling of failure loomed over my head and weighed heavy on my heart. My work; My photographs are the center of my life. The moments and things I capture through my view finder makes me who I am. My style I have created in my work has taken me years to perfect and finally, It shines through my photo’s here at the games. 

Yesterday, I finally broke. I sat on the floor and tears streamed down my face as I stared at a wall of photos in Canon’s Field Office here at the PyeongChang Media Press Center. I am not crying tears of grief nor am I having a panic attack, but I am crying tears of joy. Happiness hit my body and I didn’t know what else to do. As I stare at 12 photos illuminated by a few dimmed lights in a dark quiet hallway, glowing in the bottom corner, my photo of Shaun White roaring hangs with them. Feeling overwhelmed and overjoyed, I marked this as the proudest moment of my life. 

Before coming here, I made a secret promise to not only myself, but my family, friends, and peers that I would not let them down. I would not come to Korea and crack under the pressure, nor would I let my fears loom over me. I promised, I would leave that scared girl behind. 

I depart for home in three days, leaving the Olympics behind and I’ll be taking memories with me. But when I finally pack up my things, I’ll walk by the Canon wall one more time. Just to remind myself, I gave this opportunity everything I had. I put my soul, excitement, and heart into every event I covered while at the games. All great adventures have to come to an end. Though my heart will break when I turn around and leave that photo behind, I’ll be okay. Because in that dimly light hallway, my photo will hang for everyone to see. 

Looking back on this trip, I’ll remember the late night and living vicariously through my viewfinder. I'll remember pushing myself and being relentless. I’ll remember the people I've met and the way I shined in the oddest of places. I'll remember running wild and glowing in the dark.

Photo by Ryan Sparrow